Part I

........As i laid in the warmth of your embrace,feeling your arms wrapping me close to you, i could smell the same intoxicating scent i would get from my friend,  i had always wanted  me to smell like that.
i looked into your eyes,grateful and afraid at the same time
and thought maybe the breakup was a result of this want,
maybe the universe could feel the hunger in me to be with you and only you. -
fearing that you might  read my thoughts, see my deceit
 i did not want to maintain eye contact any longer,.....

Fireflies in the sky,

they dont let u sleep at night! 

making u dream those crazy dreams

of lovers and all the wishful things!

tie my heart to yours, 

so that it never strays.

tie my heart to yours

so that it never loose yours.

tie my heart to yours

cause yours is the only heart it wants to tied to. 

I want to see only love in his eyes

I want to feel like he'll never let me go when he holds my hand,

I want to know that his smile only belongs to me,

his sorrow also mine,

his troubled shoulder only search for my console,

and he would know that ill always,..

always be there,

to kiss it all away

to hug and hold him when he trembles

when he falls to help him rise

to help him shine.

he said," why do you care for me so much"

i smiled.

'cause you remind me of someone 

i don't want to forget, i thought.

Am letting you know 

i wont be coming back again,

wont be coming back 

to make you smile

to hold your cries,

to share the sorrows,

to walk along,

wont be coming back to 

wish you 'good night'

wake you up with a smile

hug u when your low,

or 

to kiss you, see you smile,

wont be coming back

wont be a call away

wont be a moment away

wont be around to see you

anymore,

wont be coming back

to your warmth,

to your warm embrace

to your silly jokes,

to sweet talks.

i wont be coming back,

am letting you go.

i hold your hand now,

stronger than before,

you left me.

i hold you now,

not with hand which once,

 expected you to hold me when i fall,

but one which knows that even if i fall 

ill be fine

ill rise up,

one which knows they are not empty without you.

i hold your hand now,

not waiting,

not wanting you to hold me.

but

I hold your hand now,

so that you too

feel the strength

i felt after u left,

the happiness

i can feel.

I hold you hands now.

Strangers.

our conversations were reduced to just 'good mornings', 'you are back'-s. 

and the response usually was tired and uninterested 'hmmm' or 'haan'..The questions were asked not out of any interest either but merely out of habit ... 

a habit which developed in period of 20 years. was it the fact that we got used to each other so well that we did not find it important to having a conversation-even a small one, or was it that we just no longer cared for the other.

we no longer were eager for each others touch, or even a slight brush as it used to be in the beginning, it seemed we avoided even looking at each other. 

.maybe we did avoid but not cause we were uncomfortable or did not stand each other... we were just scared that our eyes would speak out the truth about our relation,

what had it come to become and say it loud.  

we did not want to accept it, we did not want anyone to hear it.

so we found it more convenient to not even look at each other rather stare into the blankness of our relationship, 

People miss took it to be cute and endearing, we did not bother correcting them.

. there was no warmth or even a cold feeling between us, we had come to the point of being complete stranger after knowing everything about each other, after walking together
this long.

she was too naive.

she did not know what she was doing,

all she wanted was to hold a hand,

feel a little warmth,

share a friendly smile 

look into someones eyes and feel at home,

feel secure.

not be alone in a crowd,

someone she knew,

someone who knew her.

someone who made her happy,

but in the bargain for happiness

she just ended up being 

more hurt,

lost.

and heart broken,

the very hands that she held for a little warmth,

scourged her to her very soul.

under the mulberry tree

Under the mulberry tree

one day ill sit

peaceful like before,

no worries to care,

no hurt to attend,

no pain to bear,

 one day ill sit

with just a smile like before,

a heart filled with just love,

a life filled with just friends

ill leave my foes behind,

ill leave my past behind,

along with 

all its sorrows

and sit peacefully

one day under the mulberry tree. 

i had realized

it took me some time,

but now i know.

nothing was true

the love that we shared,

the laughs that we had,

the care that you showed,

all of these,

everything that we ever had in our relationship, 

ever kiss,

everything u said,

was never out of  love for me

was never cause you cared for me,

it was just to prove that your past was gone,

never out of your present love alone. 

i'll love u with all that i have,

with all that i can,

love u till u let me 

love u till i possibly can .